Praise for MenSpeak

I am now sixty-nine. With these words have come wonderful memories, of the men who spoke them, and the places I heard them spoken.  I did not know it at the time but I was in the most intense and passionate time of my life as a man.  I hear myself echoing these words even now, at a very different time of my life.

My children have gone to another country, my wives to another life.  My professional life is almost finished, as I pass it on to younger and more skilled practitioners.  This is a time of great change in a man’s life.  You’re speaking of these times occurring at 29, 39, 49, etc. struck a chord with me.

However, MenSpeak has filled me with love and joy and many smiles.

The writings are filled with such beauty. The book encapsulates the hidden and mysterious radiance of the male soul, expressed under very special conditions.  It has brought me back to my Self.  And what I find there I love.  What I find there is that amazing strength that rent the air as we sat around fires, on beaches and in sacred circles.  I really need this strength and conviction that has come from the words and memories that this book has lit in my heart.  I have often felt that I have been looked after in my life.  The return of these words to me at this time feels part of this loving care.

For a younger man, this book could be an epiphany, the wisdom of twenty-four fathers! I remember how the men were so determined to create better lives for their children, not to repeat the patterns that had left such terrible damage.  It was the deep unspoken energy that seemed to be a given in the group.

MenSpeak is a product of this energy, the power of good men.

Dr. John Buckingham, Dentist

Through the reading of this incredibly refreshing and at last ‘showing and not just telling’ book (there are too many psychology/self help books that just tell us things) I got to know the male species.  I got to learn more about how the other half thinks and works and operates on the different and fundamental levels of human existence: primarily on the private and intimate levels of the inner self and spirit, family and companionship.  I got to learn that females and males are different but the same because we are both human; and that the differences should be celebrated and congratulated, for it is that, and solely that, that makes the whole human experience functional and so worthy.  If men were the same as females, the balance would drop.  The earth will crack in half.

MenSpeak taught me that just because men have a different way of communicating and handling life compared to women, it doesn’t make them aliens. Reading the book gave me the sense that men give us females the other perspective in life, the male view, and that we sometimes fail to see the other perspective unless we are open enough to open-up a book like this and be willing to learn and grow from it. I got to see the male experience and spirit in its sincere rawness thanks to the men that spoke in the book and the author Paul Mott who saw `the speaking’ as paramount in helping us move forward with the issue of males and females ‘getting’ each other and genuinely connecting.

For a woman it was enlightening and wonderful to see through MenSpeak that men have feelings too, just like us, that they also have emotions, just like us, and that they too can feel vulnerable, just like us; that they are just like us females in many deep, intimate and spiritual ways.  But men are different, simply because they are the opposite sex and have opposite sex characteristics and ways of being.

The book gave me ‘the speak’ of the men and the experience of men on a very intimate, open, and deeply spiritual level, one that I’ve never really and truly experienced before, or delved into before. At times it was confronting, as I’ve never really heard men speak so frankly and openly about themselves and their lives. To come out and admit vulnerability, I’ve never really experienced. It made me think more about myself, how I view my husband and men in general.

MenSpeak took me deep into the male psyche; a place one rarely gets the opportunity to go, especially a female. Taboo it’s been.

Learning through the process of men speaking, was what I as a woman needed. And what other women also need if better relationships and companionships are to grow and flourish. For we can’t achieve harmony within ourselves or together as opposite sexes if we have no true understanding of what men, and women for that matter, really feel and think from inside their hearts.

Everyday life just simply doesn’t give us MenSpeak. The book does.

I would recommend to my friends, both males and females, and to the general public, to read MenSpeak if they want to change and better their lives and their homes and their relationships; and I would suggest to my husband and to other men that a men’s group is worth more than the value of gold if your interested in travelling the whole distance and back to mature as a man.

MenSpeak helped me much better understand, be aware of, and come to terms with the skin-deep and complex dynamics of the male and female exchange. I found the section on using ‘processing’ to achieve a better relationship and better communication with your partner highly appealing and provocative. It inspired me to go further with all this male/female reading and learning.

Veneta Tsindos, Journalist, Author

MenSpeak juxtaposes the sad, silly stuff that most of us men do for most of our lives with examples of ways to have a different experience.  It seems that many of us are trying to be good, strong men, but find ourselves only knowing how to be angry or withdrawn when things get complex.  We end up trapped, having the same sort of experiences time and time again.

Perhaps we have given up thinking that our relationship with our partner can be different.  Perhaps we fear that we have passed this poison on to our children, and that it is too late to do anything about it.

So men: what are we waiting for?  Surely it is time to look ourselves in the mirror and ask who is watching the show we are putting on.  Surely it is time to feel compassion for ourselves and for others.  Surely it is time to be courageous enough to set aside patterns of behaviour that do not seem to be helping, to explore the road less travelled, and to give ourselves the chance of arriving somewhere new.  

Dr. Peter Howe, Staff Specialist Anaesthetist at the Royal Children’s Hospital, Melbourne, Australia.

Reading MenSpeak has reminded me again how hard it is for men. I have used it several times to open a conversation with my husband: ‘Is this true for you?  or,  This sounds like us sometimes’.

We have talked about my insistence on authenticity.  No masks.  Seeking at all times to be truly our selves, agreeing on unmasking and being open to that.  It has caused me to reflect on my role as a mother to a son.  Am I serving him best?  I long again to sit in a circle, with men and women speaking truly and honestly being them selves.

Deborah Vaughan, Artistic Director

It is morning.  I am in the circle of men.  One of the men in the group is talking.  After all the evasions, rationalizations and tantrums, he is finally speaking directly from the heart.  As he speaks, I realize I am not the only one who has walled up his real self.  I am not the only one!  The relief is palpable.

Afterwards, in the silence that Paul has asked us to enter for the rest of the day, I begin to see that there is another way of being, a way of living closer to the person who I really am.

Dear reader, if you are a man, my wish for you is MenSpeak touches your heart and you recognize yourself in the words of the men.  May you find your own way back to your Self.

If you are the partner of a man and you sense that he is somewhere behind the wall, my wish for you is that this book opens your understanding and your heart.  May you stand with courage, patience and love beside the man who needs to find his own way to his Self.

Graham Vaughan, Strategic Planning, Department of Health and Human Services, Hobart, Australia

MenSpeak delves into the psyche and spirit of men – historically, in the present, and how this understanding can affect the future of male generations to come.  It provides a greater understanding of the stereotypical roles men play, and how this can be detrimental to the individual and those around them, while offering hope for understanding the inner Self and thus providing a safe place for men to be their authentic selves without fear of retribution.

Like The Men’s Group you started, I found this book is also a ‘safe’ place for the expression of maleness. And the individual messages from the men in Part II of the book, I found to be the most revealing and the most touching.

MenSpeak gave me greater insight into my husband and son, and our family dynamic. It invites introspection, and that’s the best place to start the journey of self-understanding, healing and life-betterment.

Amanda J Spedding, author, The Gate Theory and Blood Ties

Latest Blog Post

On my blog, each week I will be providing a verbatim transcript of what each of the 24 men wrote during their time at The Men’s Group. The only changes are to any word or statement that can identify them. I have not included usual background labels of the socio-psycho-economic-calendric-historic-geographic-occupational identifiers we search for i..... Read More


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